he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
