I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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