i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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