She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
