we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
