haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Randomize
