I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
