He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
