If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
