she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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