Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
