hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
