I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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