I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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