Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize