i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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