i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize