I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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