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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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