She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
