You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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