Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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