glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
