just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
