He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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