my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just found puke in my bra..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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