I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
