some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
