I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
