On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
