btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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