If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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