i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
