i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
