is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Drake has all the answers
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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