you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
