I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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