The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize