Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
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