So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
