I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
