You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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