my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
