You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
