party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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