I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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