his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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