I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Randomize
