we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
