thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
