It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
