Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
