Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
