The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
