I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
