My Higher Power is John Stamos
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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