so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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