He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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