i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish you could order shots online.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
