oh god the rape fog is back!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
