so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
