Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
