Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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