You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
