I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
