If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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