i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
