If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
