used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
