Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
