I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
